I am off to Ft Bragg. And I am feeling uneasy. My eating disorder is in a bad place lately. I went to workshop last weekend, and they told me I am in the "most fucked place in the world". I found it comforting a little. It explains alot. So TMFPITW is this: feeling all of the emotions, pain, etc of the past and present and having all of the disordered eating also. The good news is this. It is a huge progression from a year ago.
Also, I am worried about where we are staying. Last year, we rented a trailer home that they parked in the state park. It was great. But this year, I decided to rent a house. But, I cannot afford a "real" house, so I rented a studio. For 4 of us. 2 adults, 1 teenager and a 9 year old. And it has one double bed. Now, the man snores, LOUD. and I am already stressing about being able to sleep. So, I am wondering, is having no sleep worth saving $50 a night (the trailer) or $115 a night (for a real house). Of course not. I should have blogged about this long ago, putting it down in black and white makes it so obvious.
My dad that is. I call his business line and leave a message. Hi Dad, its notso, call me. No call. So I call a couple of days later and get dad.
Me: Dad, hi. I called you a couple of days ago.
Dad: If you call me and I don't call back, I could be dead on the floor. I would hate for the my doggies to go through that. You have to call more often.
Umm, how does he manage to get all of his other business calls, but mine is the call that he mysteriously does not get. And then how is it my responsibility to call him everyday to make sure he is still breathing. I have suggested that he call me each day and check in. Yeah, right.
So, what do you do about this. I am a subscriber to this blog. I read his blog posting in my email each day. I decide to go to his page again. GodGone has enabled Zanga lock. Request to be GodGone's friend. I did. He didn't. I think the answer is delete him from my subscription.
Goodbye Godgone. Too bad, he wrote interesting stuff. I liked it.
Well, I tried, but it snuck right in. I am now coordinating a project to be auctioned off at our school fundraiser. It is a sandbox built in your home with sand (duh!) and sandtoys. I wish I could think of a creative way to package it. I only came up with a basket and sandtoys. Not very exciting.
Still working on the stopping when full. Now because I am not eating over my feelings, I have mega feelings daily and a new one. Disapointment. Dissapointment because I want to keep eating but I am full. Life is so unfair, why do we have to stop when full? Some food is just so good, it deserves a 2nd and 3rd plate. Well, not anymore. Full is full and it sucks.
Still working away here. Individual twice a week and a group once a week. Oh and since I have been practicing eating when hungry and stopping when full, I cry alot. It sucks. Who wants to cry? Recently I found myself obsessing on some licorice in an office I was visiting, checked in with myself and there it was Anxiety. New office, new people, was I dressed appropiately?
